LEBANONESQUE

Impressions, views, and steam-blowing by a lonesome cowboy.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

"Live" from Beirut: Idiot Press on Idiot Berri


Speaker Nabih Berri gives an interview (to ?), and says absolutely nothing. But, hey, the interview coverage is “live” (?). Have we run out of watch-the-paint-dry episodes? Have we exhausted all paint colors?

[NOTE: The "live" format of the story is not on the Naharnet home page anymore. The interview is now a regular story, which I linked above. The story is somewhat different from the original headings listed here below. These, as quoted below, were up on March 23, 2008]

Next, the geniuses at Naharnet time-stamp the inane, useless, heard-10-times-before idiocies uttered by, one-time Speaker, current clownster Isteeez Nabih Berri.

We get:

11:18 Berri accused the majority of blocking the agreement on the three tens formula and said he was ready to secure the quorom [sic] and elect a president if the majority accepted this formula but they rejected it
This story died 2 or three times about a month ago. Yeah, Berri said it at 11:18 and it’s “live” baby! More like your coverage Naharnet is dead, and your reporter and Nabih Berri are both brain frigging dead.

Now to uphold the Lebanese tradition of not making sense, and of regressing, the interview clock runs in reverse. So:

11:15 Berri said he would call for relaunching the dialogue over the elections' law after the Arab Summit
Tozzz! I call for dialogue now and I’ll gladly bet Berri’s vast ill-gotten fortune that said dialogue will yield absolutely NOTHING tangible or applicable (and hypocrite Berri knows it).

11:14The Majority and the opposition agreed on the three tens formula concerning the cabinet formation, Berri affirmed
This contradicts what Berri said at 11:18 but who cares? Certainly not the interviewer, and in politics 4 minutes is an eternity.

11:11 I will hold direct contacts with KSA, Syria and Egypt after the Arab Summit which is not sacred and can be abandoned if it proved to be a failure, Berri revealed
The Arab summit is NOT sacred? Good to know, I guess only Bashar and the Baath are sacred. And you actually mean we can abandon the summit if it’s a failure? Thank God for that, because you Nabih are a failure and we can’t abandon you, it seems. And so is the Moussa-Arab League initiative and we can’t abandon that either.

11:09 Berri said he won't propose a new solution or initiative after the Arab Summit
Thanks Nabih. I really, really, mean it. Please don’t propose ANYTHING anymore, you and the rest of the cretinous political class.

11:05 Syrians and Saudis have a certain influence in Lebanon and they can help solve the current political crisis, Berri said
Again, DON'T do it. And could we, at some point, ask the simple questions:

How is it that we need to talk to all these foreign countries to solve internal matters Mr. Speaker? And by what mysterious mechanism do the wishes of foreign countries affect the decisions of MPs in your joke of a parliament?

10:51 U.N official Terje Rod [sic] Larson works towards holding an international conference over the implementation of SCR 1559 which leads to Lebanon's destruction
It’s all relative Nabih. If 1559 leads to the destruction of YOUR sick concept of Lebanon, then I’m all for it.

10:44 Israel is preparing itself through military maneuvers to avenge its defeat in 2006 war, Berri added
Stop the presses; again, thank God the coverage is “live".

10:41 The real perpetrators of the assassination of Army General Francois el-Hajj are known, Berri said
Just like that. Am I the only one here sensing some kind of follow-up question? What the $%%6$3##3 hell is the job of our moronic press corps?

10:40 Berri confirmed war would not erupt in Lebanon
Something lost in translation here. “Confirmed”? Berri who can’t do his simple job of holding an election with only 128 people is now “confirming” future regional developments?

And if you know there will be no war, why are you yelling and screaming, daily, about M14/US/Israel prepping for war? And why is your master-puppeteer Bashar massing troops on his border with Lebanon?

__________________________________________________

UPDATE:

11:30 Berri's interview ends amid heavy gunfire

11:27 Berri says this TV interview would be his last to avoid the heavy gunfire which takes place always before and after his televised interviews
Thank you shooters. Maybe, now, the son of a thousand bitches will keep his trap shut for a little while.

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