The Song Remains the Same

Reading the daily news in Lebanon is like being the Bill Murray character in the movie Groundhog Day, where Murray wakes up every day to find out, again: "It's Groundhog Day!"

Here's a sample from the past 48 hours of stories we've been reading for weeks, if not for years. These stories just won't die. They will kill us all, but they just won't die.

1) The "Arab League envoy" story.

Like a bad sequel to Return of the Living Dead, Amr Moussa is due back in Beirut to mediate between the different parties. The number of times a League Secretary has visited Lebanon to mediate approaches infinity. How about we stop welcoming and meeting the most useless human being on the planet: Amr Moussa, head of the Effing Arab League?

Where is Sawsan Darwish to suggest that someone shoot the miserable son of a bitch? Just like that, for no reason. Just because every frigging Lebanese, on all sides I guarantee, is beyond sick and tired of seeing Moussa's name and silly smile in the news.

And, in the unlikely event someone notices the SOB is missing, we can always open another one of our very open-ended investigations, and I personally promise that we won’t rest until blah blah blah…you know the rest.

2) The "UN help" story.

Seniora/Saniora wants UN help in the murder of MP Walid Eido. Fuad, the UN can’t even help itself. Kofi Annan in his day let the Rwanda massacre happen right under his nose.

The current UN is still “working” on Darfur at the rate of 200,000 dead per year. And Ban Ki-moon (Amr Moussa in Korean) thinks global warming is responsible for genocide in Darfur. In Lebanon they're already "helping" in the camps, and the South, and with Hariri tribunal. No thanks, I’ve seen and gotten enough help and protection from the UN.

3) The "tightening the noose" on Nahr el-Bared story.

Stop clearing ordnance and mines and booby-trapped buildings and booby-trapped corpses in Nahr el Bared by sending in Lebanese soldiers. We lost three more valiant soldiers today. Blow up the Goddamn remaining quarter. The camp's civilians have left, and those still there have made their choice.

Protect your soldiers and their morale. Decisiveness and ruthlessness is not a bad signal to send to the creeps-in-wait in Ein el Helweh, Naameh etc. Stop “tightening the noose” on Nahr el Bared. It’s costly and cruel to both sides (if civilians are left) and not very believable three weeks into the “tightening”.

4) The "apply the law this time" story.

M14 thinks it can wait out an enemy like Syria/Iran/Hezbo. M14, your leaders/MPs are being murdered one by one. The other side's are not. Stop thinking the law is a negotiable joke. It’s great and overdue to call for by-elections under the 2-month constitutional requirement for a replacement election (Article 41 of the constitution).

MP Pierre Gemayel was murdered in November 2006, 7 months ago. Had you forced an election then, maybe the law would be less of a joke and maybe Walid Eido would be alive today and maybe Lahoud would be less defiant today and maybe you would not be used as a doormat.

(I know, Lahoud won't sign now and would not then, but now M14 will go ahead anyway and force the issue)

5) The "round-table talks" story.

Paris St-Cloud, after Taef, Lausanne, downtown Beirut, etc Stop going to round-table meetings with people who have no interest in a solution and/or no power to negotiate one. Been there done that. When we are lucky nothing happens, otherwise it's Cairo 69 or Taef 89: the matrices of the catastrophes befalling Lebanon.

If only we would get away from these recurrent bad ideas/habits. It may not solve the problems but it sure would give our leaders and readers a needed break from useless tiresome garbage.