Watch Out: Lebanese Army Warns…

Shooting at Army: NOT GOOD. Whoaaa!!! And you haven’t yet heard why shooting at the army is a bad idea.

In the land of the sub-idiot, everything, no matter how simple and straightforward has to be explained and analyzed for the sophisticate-morons. The latter make up 98.2% of the population and 102% of public officials. Furthermore, analysis is then followed by; you guessed it, NOTHING.

It’s never ever enough to APPLY the law. I.e. “beat your school friends in a Faraya chalet and go to jail” or “rob a billion dollars from depositors at the Medina bank and STAY in jail” or “threaten the useless PM’s life and have the authorities charge you with something, anything” are all “passe” notions for the post-modern mind of my donkey compatriots, dis-informed and mis-informed by an even “donkeyer” press corps.

The Army Command on Saturday cautioned that attacks targeting soldiers in Beirut and its suburbs deal a blow to security and stability and serve interests of the Israeli enemy.

Who would have thunk it? Shooting at the army is bad for stability and security. Thank God the top officers go to all sorts of fancy training programs in the US, France and Syria. Let’s face it, where else would one gain this kind of acumen?

The army communique went on:

[...]that attacking the army "directly confuses the investigation carried out by the military and judiciary … to reach the truth"

So the army is investigating attacks on itself, but these attacks are also confusing to the investigators who are investigating them??? Are you confused too?

Now the Israel-baloney part is a bit trickier to interpret. Why is it there when, really, no sane person can believe that there is a connection?

Hmmm…possible explanations:

--Some of the over-trained under-brained at Army Command think this is a propaganda coup that will, immediately and overnight, shift 90% of Hezbo’s support away from the party and towards the Army.

--It is yet another sign of the demented Arabist culture of the past century. You know, the one dying everywhere except in Lebanon where it’s going to get us all killed. The one that says “I can’t decide if x is good or bad, or if I should eat “foul” for breakfast,” until I have figured its place in the big Israeli-Zionist-I-am-a-blithering-idiot context.

--Army command is getting ready to take action (that will never come). However before any non-action can be not-taken, it has to be labeled “anti-Israel”, otherwise it can’t be politically justified. Nevertheless, even after we deem our action-to-be anti-Israel, we won’t take any action because it is too risky. The country may go to hell. Or, God forbid, we may experience “instability”. Still, if you shoot at us (army), we won’t fire back at you until we have analyzed it to death and decided that your attempts to kill us (army) serve the Israeli interest. (Charles Darwin, where are you?)

On that last point, officers who take defensive action may find themselves ARRESTED. After the army tangled with demonstrators in Shiyah last week, people died. And, because some dead were Hezbo and some were Amal there had to be an investigation. The problem is that Hezbo and Amal want an “impartial and balanced” investigation (i.e. you can’t say it was our fault). The other problem is that army chief Suleiman wants to be president and thus needs to be nice to Amal-Hezbo (i.e. he needs to split the difference).

Result? Some neighborhood people were arrested. Some army troops and officers were arrested. Everyone’s happy. The instigators however are still at large, as the investigation is “seeking” their identity and their arrest. As usual, the criminal instigators are never known and never caught in a country where everybody knows everybody.

Don't get me wrong, there should be an investigation but what we got is too easy and too predictable.

Meanwhile, the army command guys may be onto something because the Nahar paper headlines on Sunday:

[Useless PM] Seniora, Amal and Army say: Attacks on Army Positions Are Suspect.

I am so glad I read the newspapers and that we seem to have a semi-consensus on something. Next they’ll all agree that water is wet, and we’ll be on our way to a brotherly solution for the country (well, once Hezbo and Aoun agree). I am all teary-eyed.